Let's Go Take A Drive.

You know that feeling when you see what time it is and all of a sudden decide you want to do something? The adrenaline rushes through your system and you're in hyperactive mode while being ecstatic from the idea that you're going to do something when five minutes ago you were just sitting at home for the night.

I want that. I just realized Where The Wild Things Are is probably showing at midnight and, while I don't necessarily wish to see it so badly, I wanted to get out of here. 30-50 minutes is what I would I need to get to the nearest theatre and to pick up my friends. No problem. We've done this before.

Uh... We have a problem.

I'm home. As in home, home. As in... I am alone. No Chelsey to rescue me. No roommate to laugh pathetically at me and act for a fraction of a second that she cares about the words coming out of my mouth. Nothing. Well... I do have Hugh Grant. I could spend this night like I did last night by staying up until 4am in my bedroom (in a wireless house) watching Music & Lyrics and 2 Weeks Notice while doodling. I must not forget to mention the laughing fit I had when I realized it was indeed 3:30am. Insomnia, anybody?

I'll take one of those.

What I really would enjoy right now would be a midnight drive in my car... to anywhere. I know the country roads and the towns around here. I don't need a bloody map or a GPS. These towns are my home. I have a 50 mile radius that I know nearly by heart in every direction. I miss it. Somedays after school I would take a round trip home by gravel roads and fields. I was so content right then. The world was beautiful, and because of that everything was okay.

Now, I get caught up in the chaos and bustle of thousands of cars in their mechanic routines. My chance to just drive in one direction for miles until I feel like turning around doesn't exist there. I get lost and confused. Therefore I choose not to just drive anymore- up in the cities at least. I feel like I lose a part of myself when I'm cooped up in that apartment. Listening to music on your laptop all day long is not the same or nearly half as good as listening to music through the stereo system of your car on a drive through the country.

I yearn for the weekends when I come home. It's even better when my roommate doesn't hitch a ride. There are no words that can explain how much I need that 4 hour commute every other weekend. It's revitalizing. I feel alive and without a care about being embarrassed with my rocking out to my favorite bands. I sing with my sometimes on/sometimes off voice as loud as I can. I sing with all the emotion I can muster (unless I'm passing a creepy trucker) and I feel a connection with the music in the car.

Music is amazing. Listening to music in a car without any worries... That is even better.

I love being from a small town. The city is wonderful, but my heart belongs here right now.

Have a lovely night. xx

Paranormal Activity Ramble.

Saturday night my roommate's uncle and his partner (the people we share a duplex with) invited us to go along to the showing of Paranormal Activity. Their treat. Of course after seeing the trailer and hearing it was suppose to be this seriously scary shite we agreed to go.

Apparently this movie is in very select and limited theatres, so no one back home is going to be seeing this and it's awesome that we got to. On the way to the theatre we jammed to Michael Jackson in the car and I remembered how much I enjoy Mark and Greg's company. When we got to the theatre we listened to a a verse of so of Ben and then went inside. We ended getting the last four tickets to the showing and if we would have listened to a single verse more of Ben in the car we wouldn't have been able to see it. Perfect timing.

When we got in the theatre it was nearly packed, but there were four seats in the back row of the front section and pretty much in the center. Our timing was amazing. In the process of waiting a theatre lady started barking out orders about cameras, camcorders and phones and as soon as she was done the theatre erupted in laughter.

We saw some trailers for a few horror movies that looked very good and then the movie just started; no introduction, it just started. I have never seen The Blair Witch Project so I don't have anything to compare this documentary-style movie to, but it was cool.

The movie was simply put as horrifying. What was probably the scariest about it was that it was an evil entity doing all of these things that we, as the audience, never saw. There was only evidence of it. I have never watched a horror film and been reduced to tears because of it... until Paranormal Activity. Every time the scene would change into a night/bedroom scene (where all the scary shit happens) I found my eyes welling up and my heart racing. Eventually as the night scenes occurred more often and got worse the tears spilled over. The movie ended abruptly and right after the scene where I absolutely could not look.

Throughout the movie they use a camcorder they bought to document what happens at night. As things started progressing I started mumbling under breath things like, "Don't look at the camera... Please don't look at the camera." That thought of the possessed girl looking at the camera was what threw me off the edge and I was seriously terrified of the idea. As long as I didn't see her looking directly at me, I would be okay. Eventually at the climactic end of the movie I knew it would happen soon- regardless of my begging. The last 3 seconds of the movie consisted of me covering up the part of the screen where her face would be as she apparently (from what my roommate said) looked at the camera, smiled and then her face morphed into something demonic.

If I hadn't blocked out her face, I just might be traumatized from the actress's face. I already have a problem with remembering when she was possessed and said, "I think we're going to be okay, now." Her face was normal then slowly her eyes squinted a bit and she smiled creepily.

After one of the scary scenes we witnessed one woman who had had enough and practically ran out of the theatre. People started laughing and clapping as she did so.

------

This is a day or so later.

I don't know my point about rambling over Paranormal Activity, but I'm not going to put that to waste. So I'm posting this.

Booyah.

Have a lovely night. xx

Backstreet Is So Not Back, Alright?

I'm enjoying my day off and catching up on last night's TV episodes I somehow just forgot to watch. All 4 of them. This morning I watched Private Practice, Grey's Anatomy and just finished watching FlashForward. My next stop is The Office, which was apparently hilarious last night, so I'm saving the best for last.

On my way to watch The Office I stopped by my Hulu queue to see who was on Conan and Jimmy last night. To my complete bewilderment I saw that Backstreet Boys were the musical guest last night on Conan. I about died. I have heard about them getting back together and "creating the music they love to do" again, but I just had to see this.

I was a strict NSYNC fan when I was in Elementary School and would not let myself be torn between the two, but that didn't stop myself from listening and knowing the lyrics by heart. I was and still am a hypocrite. I still enjoy listening to their love ballads on a summer afternoon in the car and shunning them for copying NSYNC, whether they did or not. Like most of us who had the unfortunate lives of growing up in the nineties to boy bands blowing up the music scene, I had to check up on what had happened to them. I should have looked away.

I was trying to control my gawking at the computer screen when I saw that curtain pull away and all four of them were kneeling down. It was then I remembered that these guys are not the Jonas Brothers. These guys don't have instruments to make them look cool or keep them from doing ridiculous choreography. Then it hit me again. What are they going to do? They then started breaking out in their disgustingly choreographed moves. I honestly couldn't control my laughter. I could barely watch it. I did manage to make it out of the room to show my roommate what was happening on my computer screen though. She didn't even know who they were at first (obviously she wasn't hardcore for boy bands like I was back then) and then she died when I told her it was the Backstreet Boys attempting their comeback.

It hurts to think about them, being as old as they are, and still doing a boy band type of thing. I totally respect them for doing what they love though, especially after it's not cool anymore, serious props to them, but I wish they wouldn't have done this. I wonder who they think their audience is now. Is it girls like me? Girls that grew up on them and are now in their late teens/early twenties, or girls that were my age when they were big? We're all about ten years older now! I think we should just leave this all behind us and remember what it was like and not be able to witness it again. We don't need the Backstreet Boys to come back and make us ask ourselves, "What the hell were we thinking? Gosh, tween girls really will listen to anything..." We want to remember it with good thoughts and not being completely ashamed of our love for nineties boy bands.

So thats what I think. It was a weird thing seeing them back. I wish them the best of luck at whatever their doing, but I will not be following it.

Have a lovely day. xx

Shall We Call It Confidence?

I guess we can call it whatever we want!

I doubt that would be what I'm feeling now, but it's close to it. I feel completely fine for the first time in weeks. Yes, I have homework and midterms looming the coming weeks, but for now; for tonight... I'm just fine. I'm listening to some amazing music by one of my favorite bands, House of Heroes, and dwelling on everything else that should be making me happy right now. Why doesn't this tactic work on me every other week when I'm freaking out about how the world hates me?

Tomorrow is my Friday. I have my easy-peasy math class and then I have to sit through a film in Cinema History, which I think I will respect. I hate sitting for that long in a classroom, but c'mon, I get to watch a movie every week of class! How great is that? For my midterm I have to pick a silent film and analyze it in at least 6 pages. Analyzing! That's honestly like, "Hey! Pick out some random thing you think could be symbolization or what you liked about the acting and talk relentlessly about it!" Why am I not more grateful for these kinds of things?

Why am I always stuck on the negative? Maybe today is like a breakthrough for me or something, but life is good. I get over that ridiculous crush on a boy I didn't even know (turns out he's not the most thoughtful) and all of a sudden it stops raining and the sun shines for the first time in weeks! Literally, the sun broke through today and it was amazing. I feel like I should be typing this in a park and smiling wildly up at the sky with happiness, but really I'm just on our couch late at night... And I am perfectly fine with that. My happiness is almost making me sick. It's not necessarily happiness as much as peace. I'm calm right now. No freaking out about cars, boys, school, money or lack of food. Everything is alright.

I can't get over how soothing this is. It feels so good to be okay. To have stuff taken away and realize... thats fine, I still have this other thing. I love being happy. I love how music has such a big impact on my mood too. Seriously, the past week I've been listening to Silverstein melodically screaming in my ears and numbing me, but today... Today I listened to Family Force 5 and House of Heroes and I'm not numb anymore. I'm alive. It's incredible. They both make me so ridiculously happy.

I am an incredibly selfish person. I know this. I actually only realized this a year or so ago, but when I did I almost completely shut down because I felt so ashamed of it. The reason I love blogging (even though no one reads this) is because I love telling my story. I love writing/typing what I wish I could say to the world. Maybe that part isn't selfish because this is the one outlet I have to truly set my thoughts straight, but other than that, I think I just love blabbing away. I'm not very good with talking to people because I don't ask them questions. That comes across as selfish when they're the only one's asking questions, but really I have no idea at all how to keep a conversation going.

Anyway, it's things like this that I realize through this blog. This is overall making me a better person by seeing what's going through my mind put out there for people to read without all the other muck I write in my journal that pretty much ends up as, "oh my gosh, i love music so much. seriously. love. and that guy from the band i can't remember was so amazing. seriously. amazing." Well, I might still sound like that, but this has more structure than that. What I need is structure.

Structure and respect. I need to respect the world and people around me more. Maybe if I did that I would get a hell of a lot more out of it. Maybe if I stopped acting stand-offish people wouldn't stay away. I need to respect myself as well. That one needs some serious work, but I'm getting there.

It's days like this that keep me pushing forward to being the happy, lively and religious person I want to be. I want nothing more than to share this feeling with everyone around me, I just don't understand how to do that yet. A majority of my friends have that figured out quite well, but I'm just a bit different.

I look forward to many more days like this. This is absolutely amazing.

Have a lovely night. xx

Bumming Everywhere.

Hola!

I'm bumming today. Just like I did yesterday... and a few days last week. I'm going to have to force myself to do some serious homework tonight or tomorrow night. So right now I'm exploring music I haven't listened to a lot and probably should have. Artists like nevershoutnever and Silverstein. Yeah, just those two for now. I have forgotten how wonderful myspace is for listening to music without buying it!

Other than music I'm catching up on hulu stuff like Private Practice, Ten Things I Hate About You and last night's SNL with the lovely Ryan Reynolds. So I naturally think that episode was quite funny! Some parts were a bit off to me, but overall I have seen worse SNL. It's weird to think of what SNL would be like if Andy Samberg wasn't there.

It is now a day later than the paragraphs I typed above. I was sitting in the building I normally do while waiting for Kris' class to finish, but I needed a new atmostphere... so here I am sitting in the Piccadilly Circus of campus. Seriously. If you're going anywhere at some point- you're going through here first. So I though this would be a good place to sit and people watch while I wait. It gets boring sitting in the same chairs day after day and seeing the same weird faces. I think it would be smart of me to come out here more often.

I am currently sitting Indian style on the floor betwixt the two skyways and across from the elevators... this causes for an amazingly dynamic view. I just saw a girl from my History of Photography class. It's the girl that is genuinely pretty and the euro-haired man stares relentlessly at. Anyway, it's really amusing to see everyone's faces as the elevator door closes. It's a whole lot of disgust or indifference. No one likes to shove into an elevator with ten other people and you have the people that deal with it and then those that can't.

Currently I am watching my dose of Family Guy. I just hope I can handle this without cracking up and making a fool of myself. Quagmire just found out about internet porn in this episode. I've already almost lost my composure- it doesn't help that Peter is currently serenading a cardboard cutout of a swimsuit model right now. This is very difficult... I'm almost losing it. I think I'm going to continue doing this just as a competition with myself.

I wish I could give a play by play of this episode. This is hilarious. Now there is a campus cop dude standing a few feet away from me and I'm a bit self conscious of watching Family Guy and blogging at the same time while this guy is just standing here. So I think.... that man that just walked by was incredible. Hem... anyway. I actually think I'm going to head out. Focus my attention on Family Guy.