Windows 7 &... Zac Efron.

Hello!  

There is just one thing I would love to toss out there...  I was a bit put off when I saw the Windows 7 commercial of the guy with his laptop at the gym by the treadmills.  When they showed his 'glorified thinking double' I kind of flinched and gawked at the sort of bloated man they used.  In my opinion, the skinny guy was MUCH more attractive.

Also, all I ever get from those Windows 7 commercials is that the windows 'snap' into place when you move them.  I have no idea what else Windows 7 has to offer.  I mean it's not like they're making some sort of competition with Macintosh... they just aren't.  Anyway, I have a feeling I would find that snap feature incredibly annoying.  What if people don't want it to snap?

Another thing I noticed while sitting on my ass in front of the TV today was that Zac Efron has facial hair.  I know, me=no life, right?  That's exactly what I was thinking, but really it startled me!  I watched High School Musical 3 last week and 17 Again a few days ago...

-Breaking News- A skunk has probably just sprayed one of my dogs outside... I can smell it. =(

...and it's just weird to think of him with facial hair.  It's weird to think of him as grown up.  Anyway... It's pleasant.  Pleasant compared to the scraggly, gap-toothed nerd from Summerland, but really who can resist those eyes.  Those are the eyes of one ridiculously gorgeous man*.  (So are these.)**

That's really all I have to say!

Have a lovely day. xx

Current music:  This Is A Call, Thousand Foot Krutch
[Check out their Déjà Vu: The TFK Anthology]

Days Until Next Concert: 6   (The Wedding & Wavorly.)

*My apologies for the girl swoon-talk... and picture.  I was trying to make a point.
** I just realized I put up pictures where both Zac and Elijah are looking up... so here & here. Still gorgeous.

Are you serious?!

(The title was the first thing I heard someone say/yell after I clicked in the box... So there you go.)

Hello, absolutely no one!

How was your day?  My day so far is barely anything.  I finished Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green & David Levithan the other day.  It was very good and I enjoyed it thoroughly.  So if you read it and no what I'm talking about... the end is pretty much spectacular, isn't it?  I am a huge fan of those over-the-top happy moments and that, my friends, was very happy.  So I definitely recommend it to anyone who enjoys Young Adult books!

Last week Flogging Molly was in town!  My brother had bought my ticket and my friend came along to the show and it was so much fun. I enjoy my fair share of Irish jigs whenever I randomly hear them, but with Flogging Molly that's 80%-90% of their songs... and for some reason I never get sick of it!  The show was at First Avenue in Minneapolis and was 18+.  I think that was the first age-restricted show I've been to.  It was also the first time I feared for my hygiene at a concert; not from sweat or any of that, but from alcohol and weed.  The opening band was Big D and the Kids Table, which is a Ska band, and their fans were not really your typical "hardcore" fans, but they were hardcore in the way that they dance maniacally.  I thought it might be moshing, but no.  Whatever that was... it was NOT moshing.  Moving on.  There were tall men, short men, and big burly men (and women in all of those categories as well) with their glasses filled to the brim in beer.  I would have have not been able to enjoy myself for the rest of the night if that 6 foot 5 man had spilled his beer on me*.  So, thank goodness nothing drastic happened.  I was a few people from the front of the left side of the stage and when they finished their encore the bassist staggered off stage and practically fells into my hands as other people helped his drunk-ass maneuver around... and guess what?  There was another beer in his hand!  We honestly should have counted how many he went through.

Anyway, I'm just kind of chillaxing and freaking out at the same time.  Next week is the last week of class.  I have 2 photo series I need to complete (one in the dark room & one in digital), an assignment of 10+ images I have to print out and put in a portfolio, a studio lighting assignment +print and a very time consuming booklet in InDesign.  Wow.  That is a lot, but I'm still managing to sit here calmly and not run around in circles.  Go me.

Well, I would like to say hello to Marissa Coley.  For she is my one and only follower... and I told her to follow me.  So, that's pretty much like my life in a nutshell. 

Have a lovely night/day/life. xx

*This is not a lie.  I hate alcohol and the smell of beer.  It disgusts me.  Yes, watching the bassist of Flogging Molly become gradually drunk on stage was amusing, but at the same time I couldn't help but feeling like the situation was so... wrong.  There still is a part of me who doesn't want to respect a man who does that, but they are an IRISH band... and their last album was called 'Drunken Lullabies'.  They like to enjoy themselves.  Who am I to judge?

Hello, Goodbye.

Hi thrrr.

Just ignore that^ and we can move on...
So in case anybody is wondering, the critique went just fine. I'm doing everything correctly. All is good... for that class at least, but more on that at a later date. There is something more interesting I wish to tell you.

I pulled up this New Post and a Britney Spears song was playing on my iTunes (in case you're wondering which one) and I was going to mention that and go from there, but then the song was ending and Britney is talking to a girl (which is cut off in the link). They go on blabbing about a boy and how Britney 'gets no satisfaction' and then it fades out into Hank Green's "A Song About An Anglerfish." (I bet Hank Green never thought something like that would happen a few years ago...) And that is why I love music, iTunes, shuffle and nostalgia.

My iTunes just took me back to Elementary school and threw me into High School/College within 5 minutes. The Britney song reminded me of my beaded-curtain craze (because of her album cover) and how I was best friends with a bunch of girls who are complete polar opposites now. That's kind of how this whole music thing has gone for me. I listened to the typical Nsync, Britney Spears and Christina Agu-However-You-Spell-Her-Last-Name, but somewhere along the line I gained some smarts and started to listen to real bands. Growing up is a funny thing... especially when a lot of our memories of growing up are based upon the music we listened to at certain stages of our lives.

As for me, getting out of High School completely took me away from the Top 40 radio and what is "Popular" music. I'm starting to figuring out, even more than before, what music I want to listen to. That kind of thing throws into sharp perspective the friends from high school I still want in my life... and those that I don't. The latter category consists of my roommate. It's sad and it sucks, but I've realized that I can't be around someone like her. She brings me down and pushes me into being an even bigger 'hermit crab' than I was originally. She's doing all of this without noticing as well. She makes me feel uncomfortably inferior and I can't live like that during college. Students in dorms have it easy. They can switch roommates and all that jazz, but I have to find my own living accommodations and leaving the apartment/duplex I'm in now will be difficult because it's an easy living situation. Renting an apartment for $100 just doesn't happen in Minneapolis.

Anyway... obviously I have some pent up emotion over the situation. It sucks, but what I'm trying to say is that I'm growing up *aww* yeah, yeah, whatever. I like being able to make my own decisions and not have people looking over my shoulder at what I'm doing, which is why I need to move out.

Stuff was so much easier back in the day... back when Britney Spears was my idol and decisions were made for me by my parents, the radio and the world around me, but I like finding out who I really am. I like realizing that Hank Green's hilarious and entertaining music will remind of a time where I finally stopped caring what people thought about me. This is my life. I should be able to live it however I like and not feel shut down by people who were my friends in High School.

People change. The memories are good, but the choosing of a new direction in life is waaaaay more satisfying.
Goodbye old high-school-friend-roommate; Hello new possibilities.

Have a lovely Easter. God Bless. =)
xx

Nerves.

I am sitting in the back of a lighting studio classroom tired out of my mind. Class is over with, but I have to wait to go over my pictures with the professor. I only did one assignment and I'm feeling very guilty and nervous. There were only two assignments, but still. Nerves always destroy me.

When I get scared, I usually just sit back and watch everything happen around me. I survey my surroundings and see what other people do before I make my move. Most of the time that leads me to doing nothing at all. I'm so scared of other people's ideas and impressions of me or what I put out there as mine. I don't want people to hate me, but by doing what I do... I don't even give them a chance to like me. I hide in my little corner and watch life pass me by.

The first day of Digital Photo 1 we went over a list of traits my professor thinks photographers should have. We were discussing ones that we thought were important in a group. Naturally, I tried to take advantage of the situation and make some acquaintances, but never thought that I would end up being the one from the group to say which trait we thought was really important to the class. I usually just shut up and let somebody else jump in to say something, but that day I actually was the one to talk. The trait we chose was,"...does not let fear run her life."

When I read that, I felt as if it was put on that list purely for me. I had been telling myself for weeks that fear cannot take a hold on me like it always has. I needed to make a change in order to get through the rest of my classes in the next few semesters... to get through them successfully. So I read that trait outloud. That was a huge step from me.

Alas, that spark of enthusiasm for change did not last long. I have recently fallen back into my pit of despair and nerves. Some of these people are really good and some of these people are... not. I think I land between them. I think I'm okay, but I don't know it for sure. My professor for both my Lighting at Digital Photo 1 has just remembered my name... after a mishap in class yesterday when he never saw me in class and he though I had dropped. I have been to class every week. He apologized thoroughly and I told him it was okay because I'm quiet.

I shouldn't have to tell people that. My favorite thing in the world is when people remember my name. That's kind of sad. I deserved to have my name be remembered. I think that's why I'm trying this photography thing. I don't want my face seen much, but I would at least want my name remembered or recognized.

I need to kill my nerve problem. It needs to be shot dead. I don't even think I still need to be here for this critique, but this is one way I'm trying to deal with this. Being shy and modest isn't a bad thing (even though my roommate seems to think so), but I need to get my ass out there and do something or my entire life will pass me by.

I've felt like this my entire life... my friends make this more evident. I feel left behind in every aspect of my life because of fear.

Fuck fear.

Have a lovely night. xx

Revelation.

So, when I was 2 years old my brother, Alan, was born. He was given a white, stuffed dog. I stole that dog from him in the early years and called him Puppy. He was my own; my comfort. At times Puppy wound up back in my brother's possession... but not for long. Puppy was mine.

As the years went by I cuddled up with Puppy every night. I guess you could say he's been the one constant man in my life. He eventually turned from his soft, fluffiness into a worn and sparsely soft-spotted dog. But there is one soft spot on the back of his head where I have, since I was a child, rubbed with my fingers. (You know when you feel something REALLY soft and you find it hard to stop touching? Well, that is what I mean. Rubbing is not the right word.) That one spot is perfectly located so that every night when I would cuddle up to my Puppy and fall asleep, it was right there.

The continuous feeling of the soft "fur" is what lulled me to sleep a lot. It puts a sort of calming trance over my mind and I just... relax. Normally, as a girl, I would end up bawling in my room at night for the faintest reasons. Once I drew myself out of the bawling hysteria for a few seconds, I always looked and cuddled up to Puppy. He always does the trick. I don't know what it is about Puppy or why I have such a reliance on a stuffed animal I stole from my month old brother, but even so... he's laying inches away from me on my bed while I type this.

Sometimes when I get caught up on life or my mind goes crazy, I tend to simply lay on my bed and stare at nothing with Puppy. I think about nothing, but more often than not, I end up coming to revelations. I find a space of calm in my messed up world. It was just a few minutes ago when I was doing just that. Surrounded by the elements of my current life that just don't feel right; my roommate is in her room with her boyfriend, there's a TV blaring downstairs, car lights distract me every five seconds and I can't see the stars anymore.

There I was, clutching to Puppy with all my sanity, when I realized that I don't belong here. I can't live in the city all of my life. I go home every other weekend simply for the two-hour drive surrounded by fields. As I was driving into the city earlier today at sunset, I actually started tearing up because the tall buildings and wires were ruining one of the most beautiful things in nature.

I am honestly always taken aback by nature's beauty and it is one of the things that keep me going. The beauty of the sky on an ordinary day after class... only I don't get time to look at the sky. By the time I'm fully able to see it I'm whisked off onto another highway exit and have to pay attention to not killing myself. My point is: I can't live in a world of metal, cement, asphalt and brick. No matter how many trees you park along side the road or around the new apartment complex that look "pleasant to the eye." If I can't see the stars through the yellow-grey city sky... then I don't want any of it. I don't care how convenient the Target down the road is... or the fact that there are 5 gas stations within a mile radius. Driving 15 minutes for groceries is fine with me. Driving 45 minutes to the nearest movie theatre is perfect for me. Why does everything have to be convenient? Where does that leave our sense of adventure? Do we abandon it? Or are we just going to let the Park & Rec build something to help us let loose?

Convenience is ridiculous to me all of a sudden. Let me take my chances out in the farmlands. I want my car to get stuck in the snow in my driveway again. I want to lay on the highway for hours in the early morning and not once have to move for a car. I want to be free of this crowded place.
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Have a lovely night. xx